Naomi Steinberg, Ph.DNaomi Steinberg, Ph.DI work with couples experiencing a variety of issues including:
Couples therapy involves an accounting for, and understanding of the complexity that is part of two people coming together in a relationship. Each person brings with them their own “baggage” and how these patterns interact in the relationship is there to understand, unpack,and work with. Problematic patterns of communication can arise when emotion for one or both people feels chaotic or out of control and the couple may find themselves avoiding communication, particularly around conflictual issues. Pressure can build from this point and include feelings of anger and/or frustration at not being heard or understood by the other.
Therapy can be very helpful in slowing down the anxiety or urgency, allowing each partner to be heard and also building confidence in the ability to discuss issues together. Certain difficult issues may be best left for the session while other issues can be discussed in between sessions.I encourage partners to take note of their experiences discussing things together and bringing up their observations or concerns during the session. Often when there is help available to navigate difficult topics, it becomes possible to elaborate upon the concerns, thus leading to increased understanding and intimacy.
Couples therapy also offers an opportunity for each partner to understand their individual issues more fully in the context of their relationship. Therapy can help in clarifying goals and values and assist in one or both partners making important life decisions. Couples therapy is also useful in providing support during life transitions such as becoming new parents, change of career, illness, or change in life phases.
As is the case in individual psychotherapy, the starting point for couples therapy is the presenting concerns and struggles of the couple, which includes the individual complaints and perspectives of each partner. I begin with an open ended format of listening to each person’s concerns and I do so with the framework in mind of understanding relational patterns and dynamics for the couple. It takes time, of course, to more fully identify and understand these dynamics but as we can clarify specific struggles and conflicts, I am eager to suggest alternate approaches to communication and specific strategies that can lead to change.
We start with each member of the couple sharing their concerns and goals. I encourage partners to speak directly to each other, but sometimes that can be problematic in situations of high conflict. In those situations, I may focus more on slowing down the process to encourage easier and clearer communication.
